


Let It Go (Keanu Reeves x Reader) Part 2/3

by ficsnroses



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Canadian Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confrontations, Crying, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Reader-Insert, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23321290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficsnroses/pseuds/ficsnroses
Summary: Reader and Keanu see each other for the first time in 10 months, following their *heart wrenching* split.
Relationships: Keanu Reeves/Reader, Keanu Reeves/You
Kudos: 7





	Let It Go (Keanu Reeves x Reader) Part 2/3

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of 3.

You’ve tried to completely repress that night from your memory. Tried to drown it, refusing to feel the absolute, sheer agony and torment ever again _._

You refused to think of him holding onto you, muttering sweet, heart wrenching nothings into your ears every now and then, begging you to reconsider your decision. You refused to remember the warm, saltiness of his tears as you kissed them away, hoping they would stop once you inevitably left. You refused to remember how his hands never let go of yours the entire night, hoping that if he held long enough, placing soft kisses on your knuckles, kissing your palms, your wrists, holding them close to his face, that you would change your mind. You refused to remember the feeling of his trembling figure send vibrations through your entire body, as you rocked each other, grasping, feeling each other’s skin close into the early hours of the morning when the sun would rise again, signaling the end of an era. The end of you and Keanu.

Once you had got up, finally letting go of each other, it was as if everything had changed right that second. Despite spending the entire night together, wrapped in each others arms, holding on as if your entire being depended on it, the morning had brought complete contradiction. You remember quietly packing your bags as he stood in the door way, looking down, refusing to see the reality of the situation. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you leaving. His already fragile heart couldn’t take it. He trailed behind you as you walked down the hallway of your shared house, the foundation of it built on memories of your time together. Pictures hung on the walls of you two, showcasing your love. Neither of you were able to look their way anymore _._

As you gripped the handle of your suitcase, the gaping hole in your heart grew bigger as you noticed his lack of eye contact. Keanu had always been a man of little words, and they became even more scarce when he was hurting. Who better to know that than you? You had helped him through all the pain and sorrow he ever felt in your 7 years together, you had been his perfect remedy each and every time. But you couldn’t be there for him this time. You wanted so desperately to rush into his chest, grip his delicate face in your hands and kiss him, telling him everything was going to be okay as you ran your fingers through his hair.

But you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.

You were both silent, at a loss for words. What was there even left to say? As you stepped foot out the door, you turned to look at Keanu once more. Perhaps, one last time. He was still looking down, avoiding eye contact. But when he did look up, you saw perhaps the worst form of pain to your heart you ever had felt.

You’ve tried long and hard to forget his face in that moment your eyes locked. His eyes were red, as were yours. They were pleading. They spoke a million words. You had saw your entire world in those same, earthy hued eyes for the last 7 years. Those beautiful sienna tinted, almost married with a hint of honey droplets eyes of his were once your favourite sight. Just the thought of them could send butterflies flying in a haze through your mind. But now, that once comforting thought of his beautiful, warm, brown eyes had been replaced with the pair of eyes you saw that dreadful morning. They haunted you now. They reminded you of what you lost.

Everything came crashing down that night, and it quite literally changed your entire life. You didn’t realize it at the time, but your relationship with Keanu had been the most prominent part of your life for the 7 years you spent together. The 7 years you spent smitten with each other, being each other’s lifelines. You left a lot of your stuff at the house you shared. You never really discussed it, but it was just his house now. You couldn’t bring yourself to go back to collect the rest of your belongings. You didn’t think you could face him again.

You had bought your own tiny apartment in the city and tried to carry on with your life, but heart break is hard. You can never really describe it, unless you’ve felt it for yourself. It’s easy for people to tell you to “suck it up” or “move on”. But how are you supposed to move on, when you feel you left a big piece of yourself somewhere else? That’s exactly how you felt in the last 10 months. Heartbreak burns you constantly; it doesn’t just go away when you love someone as much as you loved Keanu. It burns and burns, eats away at you, sending daggers, piercing, cutting away at you.

You continued to work your 9-5 job, and spent most of your weekends alone in the security of your home, although you begged to differ that you could call it home. It was just an apartment, a place you stayed. Your home in your mind was still the house you shared with Keanu. You felt like you had been away from home for the last 10 months. Your friends had managed to get to you to come out every now and then for an evening out, perhaps at the movies or a casual dinner out, catching up. You appreciated them for trying to keep you sane. But they saw how broken the last 10 months had left you. You didn’t enjoy much anymore.

You almost felt like your spirit and soul had died, and you were just dragging around lifeless weight of a body with you.

They had tried to bring up the idea of you dating again many times. They were just trying to help, but you hated the mere thought of dating anyone else. Perhaps it was temporary, and maybe you would be ready to give yourself to someone again in the future. Maybe a year from today, maybe 5. You didn’t know, because right now, in this moment, it felt like you could never love or let anyone love you like Keanu. He was still plastered over your mind, he lived in every part of you still. You couldn’t give that up just yet, despite the fact that you let him go. You let him go because you wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with you. You prayed every day that he had come to understand that.

After work on a customary Friday, you had promised your friends to join them at a house warming party for a mutual friend. You had been dreading it for the entire week, but deep down inside you agreed that maybe, it would be nice to go out on a Friday evening and surround yourself with people you like and appreciate. Of course, a glass or two of red shared with good company wouldn’t hurt.

It felt like the shadow of Keanu followed you through everything you did. As you scanned your closet looking for a suitable outfit to wear, memories came flooding back. A heart wrenching memory associated with each and every piece in your closet. How long would life go on like this? You had allowed yourself a span of a few months to _“get over”_ him, however, till this day, it was like a part of him was stuck, bound to you, unable to let go.

Opting for a modest, long sleeve black dress and some block heeled ankle boots, you examined the look in your mirror. A loose thread on the fabric of the shoulder caught your eye. That’s when it hit you, another painful memory reminiscing in your mind.

~~~~

_“Gosh baby, you look fucking amazing. I love this dress on you.” Keanu smiled into your neck. He had walked up behind you while you put the finishing touches on your makeup, scanning yourself in your vanity mirror. Of course, he had snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest._

_With your back to his chest, you had moved to rest your hand on top of his hand that was securely holding your waist._

_“Thank you, babe. Are you ready to go?” You asked him, blushing at the way he was showing just how affected he was by you._

_“Hmmmm, I’d rather we stay here, so I can properly show you just how beautiful you look tonight.” Keanu cooed into your ear. You felt him smirk against the skin of your neck, as he left a sloppy, wet kiss just behind your ear. He nipped at the skin of your neck, almost leaving a few marks. He moved his lips over the fabric of your clothed shoulder, leaving a kiss, accidentally pulling a thread out with his teeth._

_“As much as I would love to, we’re getting late! Keanu, let go of me.” You laughed, soothingly rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb. “also, control yourself before you rip my entire dress to shreds.” you smiled, pointing to the loose thread._

_“Couldn’t help myself, darling”. He pressed another kiss to the back of your head. “I love you.” He said, staring right into your eyes through the mirror. You blushed, a grin carving through your face in response._

_~~~~_

Feeling numb, you grabbed your purse and left for the night.

******

With a wine glass in hand, you mingled with a few acquaintances. Reaching over to grab another cherry tomato to pop into your mouth, you felt proud of yourself for being able to come out tonight. And to be honest, you were having a good time. It was a good way to get your mind out of its usual somber state.

However, perhaps you had spoke too soon. In the flash of a second, your eyes found the most familiar pair known to you. They locked, unable to look away.

You felt silly for a moment. You should have known that he’d be here. Keanu and you shared mutual friends, both staying in contact with them after your separation. He was bound to be here; you should have known better.

His eyes looked the same as they had looked that morning you left. You weren’t able to face him yet, not now, not here. With the sound of a light clink, you set your glass down and politely excused yourself. You needed to get out of there. You didn’t think twice before heading to the balcony of the house for some fresh air. 

********

_“Y/N?”_ Keanu’s voice filled your ears. He had obviously followed you to the balcony, he had been dying to see you for the past 10 months, even just for the slightest moment. But he was too much of a gentleman to follow you around, searching for you or trying to track you down. He knew you wanted space, and he respected that. But tonight, you were there, and so was he, in the same place at the same time. He made a mental note to thank the sky for giving him this moment.

_“Hey..”_ you said lowly, unable to make eye contact.

_“How’ve you been?”_ Keanu asked, his voice also quiet. The tension in the air felt awkward. It hurt you both to acknowledge that.

_“I’ve been okay. You?”_ You asked back, politely. Keanu shifted so he was now standing beside you as you looked down at your shoes, hands fiddling together. He could tell you were tense. He wanted nothing more than to scoop you up into his arms, hold you tight, and soothingly run his fingers through your hair. But he knew he couldn’t. He kept his distance, respecting your space and boundaries.

Keanu bit his lip, hesitant to talk again. He sighed, looked away into the dark distance of the night for a few moments. _“Can we talk?”_ he questioned.

Tears threatened to spill from your eyes right that second. You didn’t want to think about that night you went your separate ways. It killed you to even remember. There was no way you could talk to him about it, and what was the point? It would just be salt to old wounds.

You couldn’t reply. It was as if your voice lost itself in your throat, making camp in the lump that formed.

_“Y/N…I..”_ Keanu started. He chuckled slightly, but the pain in his voice was still just as prominent. _“It took me a while to get a hold of myself. I tried so hard for you, Y/N, I really did. But seeing you here today, after so long…I…”_ his voice choked in his throat.

_“Y/N I haven’t took a single fucking breath of ease in these last 10 months without you. How much more can I want you?_ ” his voice was drowned in sorrow.

A tear spilled out of your eye, moving past your lips, and falling to the pavement floor. If you thought the last 10 months were painful, this was perhaps worse in every possible way. He was right there, in front of you. But you couldn’t bury yourself in his chest like you wanted to. You couldn’t trail kisses over his entire face, telling him everything was going to be okay.

You finally brought your eyes up to meet his. He had bags under his eyes, he looked restless. He hadn’t been taking care of himself, and you could tell. You knew him like the back of your hand. His beard had gotten scruffy and you could tell he hadn’t been trimming it.

Keanu shoved his hands into his pockets and chuckled slightly, his eyes beginning to water as well.

_“Look how cruel time has been to us. Look at you, Y/N. You’re hurting, and I’m ruined. I’m fucking ruined.”_ He almost whispered the last part, looking down, tears rolling down his cheeks now as well.

 _“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I’m so drained, so fucking tired.”_ He ran his hand through his rugged, un tamed hair.

_“I can’t even go home. I can’t bring myself to sit in that house without you. It haunts me every fucking time, your clothes still in our wardrobe, your novels and CDs still in our library, I didn’t have the heart to even take down the pictures of us. I can’t even fucking look their way, Y/N.”_ his voice was raspy. It killed you to see him like this.

He finally reached for your hand, unable to hold himself back anymore. _“Come home baby, please. I need you, I can’t be without you, and I know you can’t be without me. Who are we lying to?”_ he whispered, staring at your hands intertwined. He was pleading.

You both instinctively walked closer to each other, he brought your hands up to his lips, kissing them delicately. _“Please, baby. I promise we’ll figure this shit out, together, okay? I can’t stay away from you longer Y/N, I don’t have it in me.”_ You felt his tears roll onto the skin of your hands as he kissed them.

You couldn’t say anything. You just cried, you were crying your heart out at this point. Keanu seemed to be doing the same, both unable to control your sobs in the silent evening breeze. It was triggering you, the remembrance of that dreadful night 10 months ago creeping back into your mind. The memories of all the fights, the arguments, the times you spent the night in separate rooms because you were upset with each other also came flooding back. You couldn’t put yourselves through that again, you knew that. It hurt too much the first time.

_“Keanu, we can’t and you know that.”_ You stated firmly.

_“Why Y/N? We love each other, isn’t that enough? I can’t be happy with anyone other than you. If you can look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you’ll be able to move on and find someone other than me, I’ll let you go Y/N. I’ll let you go right now, and I’ll never bother you again. I love you so much, and I promise I’ll never keep you from being happy. Just tell me right now that you’ll be happier with someone other than me so I can force myself to move on. I just need to hear it once.”_ His voice killed you.

You couldn’t do it. How could you tell the love of your life that you could ever be happier with anyone else?

_“Keanu, please. I can’t go through this again. We can’t do this. Let me go.”_ You spoke, still crying. Keanu didn’t budge however, he held you even tighter and pulled you into his chest, burying his face in the croak of your neck. He was holding on for dear life. You couldn’t bring yourself to move either. You craved his touch more than anything in these last 10 months.

_“I can’t.”_ Keanu cried in a low whisper.

You both stayed like that for a few minutes it felt like. You holding him, him holding you. It was as if the world went silent for a second, and stopped for just the perfect amount of time where you both could indulge in each other once again.

_“Keanu..”_ you exhaled a breathy, weary sigh as you tried you pull yourself away from him. Once you managed to fully untangle yourself from him, your eyes locked again. His were restless, pleading silently, yours were filled with melancholy regret.

_“I…I have to go, Keanu.”_ You wiped away your tears, swallowed, and began to walk away back into the house. Keanu was left standing there, feeling completely hopeless, all alone once again. He balled his left hand into a fist, and felt warm tears flood his mahogany eyes once again. 


End file.
